Why not 'believe'
in god and religion if it gives comfort?
See also Religion as Consolation
Almost the last argument left in the ditching of
religion is that it gives comfort and hope when there is none left in
this earthly life - and many agnostics cling to it, and atheists
rationalise it. Understandably people want to believe in magical cures,
fantasy protection, and the comfort of a fairy god mother, it is a
relic of childhood. But it is not helpful to adults who must eventually
fall back on their innate and actually very robust coping mechanisms.
The argument for 'faith' as comforter does not IMO
stand up to examination. It is just as likely to lead to hurt and
disillusionment, very often at the worst possible moments. Many people
who are unprepared for life's tragedies and rely on a 'magical' form of
protection are doomed to disappointment and despair.
It is patronising to assume that people cannot understand ratonal argument put in an unjudgemental way - just as
we help children to leave childish fantasy, imaginary friends, bogey
men and tooth fairies behind them, adults can be helped to leave
fantasy behind them if and when they are ready.
Anyone who puts their faith in fantasy is likely to be
let down sooner or later, how much better if during life people come to
terms with reality and realise that eternal life is what remains on
earth, in what people have done, what they leave behind, and in the
memories of others who go on living.
For those who are lonely and unhappy, there are many
practical ways to help, eg. by making social contact, but we
should also not forget that mood and emotion are not always a reaction
to circumstances; but may be a sign of depression, and this is often
overlooked as 'natural' in the elderly.
Human beings have powerful coping mechanisms, and
understanding this, is I think, a much more comforting attitude and
also more healthy for adults than childlike reliance on notions of
afterlife in heaven (or hell), or magical cures by faith healers and
other alternative therapists. Acceptance of tragedy, illness and death
and our ability to cope with them are a necessary part of good
emotional and mental health.
Wishful thinking is no substitute for the comfort of
support of friends and family if one has them, but also community
support. The religions play on these fears of not having support by
saying "join us and we will support you", "have faith and it will cure
you" but this leaves a lot of people out in the cold, and because
counseling and bereavement support has been commandeered by the
religions, it has not adequately developed as a secular support system.
It is one of the tactics that religions use to bind people to their
organisations, making them dependent.
Anything that promotes superstitious belief, including
belief in the mystical nature of healing, helps to sustain people's
equally superstitious belief in god and the trappings of religion.
I have sometimes been asked :- "I am an atheist, how
should I handle comforting a believer?"
My reply would be along the lines of :- "Whether a
person needing your support knows your atheist views or not does not
matter. If they do know, do not worry that knowing that will make your
comfort less relevant or worsen their grief. There are many ways of
comforting without resorting to god and the afterlife. If they do not
know and ask your views, the likelihood is that they have picked up
your 'vibes' and you will just have to do what you think is best in the
circumstances, knowing the person will have to be your guide, accepting
that the deathbed or at the point of grief is not the time for
asserting ones own views, that is what the religions do. However, in
some situations referring back to these events may help to clarify some
of the issues for those who want them clarified!
If you have discussed these things before, they may
need you to 'allow' them to do so even at this time, giving them a way
to do so if they so choose, but that is for them to decide,
and it may even be a relief to discuss things honestly for some people,
not as is often assumed a hindrance to comfort. They may well
eventually agree with you, and your friendship and support will be all
the more valuable for that. They may already be preparing themselves
psychologically for a change in belief, and your relationship is likely
to be stronger as a result. If he needs your input, I'm sure he will
bring the subject up in his own good time, or not. "
Comfort in distress is
definitely not the preserve of the religious, in fact it is often the
falling apart of the false expectations engendered by religious belief
that contributes to the distress. When the protector fails to protect,
the guardian angel does not appear, and the saviour fails to save; when
prayers go unanswered and faith is unrewarded, the feeling of despair
can be made worse by a feeling of abandonment, a steep learning curve
and a vulnerable time.
A woman on an Internet forum said that "Some people
worry, when they go to sleep at night, because they are afraid they
might die" and she thought that that was a reason why religion might be
important to people, "especially as they grow older". This did not make
sense to me.
Should
I not Wake
Would dying be so easy?
No, I will grow old as my mother grew old.
I will age as best I can.
But I will not enjoy it if I don't want to.
Every age so far has had its ups and downs.
Why should old age not also have its compensations.
I am an atheist, I need not fear death.
I care how I live, and I care how I die.
But when I'm dead and gone, I'm dead and gone.
All problems solves, all worries at an end.
No heaven, not hell, no judgement day.
I will not be afraid, just angry not to know
How the world will get on without me!
2003
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