Why not 'believe' if it gives comfort?

Almost the last argument left in the ditching of religion is that it gives comfort and hope when there is none left in this earthly life - and many agnostics cling to it, and atheists rationalise it. Understandably people want to believe in magical cures, fantasy protection, and the comfort of a fairy god mother, it is a relic of childhood. But it is not helpful to adults who must eventually fall back on their innate and actually very robust coping mechanisms.

The argument for 'faith' as comforter does not IMO stand up to examination. It is more than likely to lead to hurt and disillusionment, very often at the worst possible moments. Many people who are unprepared for life's tragedies and rely on a 'magical' form of protection are doomed to disappointment and despair.

Anyone who puts their faith in fantasy is likely to be let down sooner or later, how much better if during life people come to terms with reality and realise that eternal life is what remains on earth, in what people have done, what they leave behind, and in the memories of others who go on living.

Human beings have powerful coping mechanisms, and understanding this, is I think, a much more comforting attitude and also more healthy for adults than childlike reliance on notions of afterlife in heaven (or hell), or magical cures by faith healers and other alternative therapists. Acceptance of tragedy, illness and death and our ability to cope with them are a necessary part of good emotional and mental health.

Wishful thinking is no substitute for the comfort of support of friends and family if one has them, but also community support. The religions play on these fears of not having support by saying "join us and we will support you", "have faith and it will cure you" but this leaves a lot of people out in the cold, and because counseling and bereavement support has been commandeered by the religions, it has not adequately developed as a secular support system. It is one of the tactics that religions use to bind people to their organisations, making them dependent.

Anything that promotes superstitious belief, including belief in the mystical nature of healing, helps to sustain people's equally superstitious belief in god and the trappings of religion.

I have sometimes been asked :- "I am an atheist, how should I handle comforting a believer?"

My reply would be along the lines of :- "Whether a person needing your support knows your atheist views or not does not matter. If they do know, do not worry that knowing that will make your comfort less relevant or worsen their grief. There are many ways of comforting without resorting to god and the afterlife. If they do not know and ask your views, the likelihood is that they have picked up your 'vibes' and you will just have to do what you think is best in the circumstances, knowing the person will have to be your guide, accepting that the deathbed or at the point of grief is not the time for asserting ones own views, that is what the religions do. However, in some situations referring back to these events may help to clarify some of the issues for those who want them clarified!

If you have discussed these things before, they may need you to 'allow' them to do so even at this time, giving them a way to do so if they so choose, but that is for them to decide, and it may even be a relief to discuss things honestly for some people, not as is often assumed a hindrance to comfort. They may well eventually agree with you, and your friendship and support will be all the more valuable for that. They may already be preparing themselves psychologically for a change in belief, and your relationship is likely to be stronger as a result. If he needs your input, I'm sure he will bring the subject up in his own good time, or not. "

Comfort in distress is definitely not the preserve of the religious, in fact it is often the falling apart of the false expectations engendered by religious belief that contributes to the distress. When the protector fails to protect, the guardian angel does not appear, and the saviour fails to save; when prayers go unanswered and faith is unrewarded, the feeling of despair can be made worse by a feeling of abandonment, a steep learning curve and a vulnerable time.

A woman on an Internet forum said that "Some people worry, when they go to sleep at night, because they are afraid they might die" and she thought that that was a reason why religion might be important to people, "especially as they grow older". This did not make sense to me.

Should I not Wake

Would dying be so easy?
No, I will grow old as my mother grew old.
I will age as best I can.
But I will not enjoy it if I don't want to.
Every age so far has had its ups and downs.
Why should old age not also have its compensations.

I am an atheist, I need not fear death.
I care how I live, and I care how I die.
But when I'm dead and gone, I'm dead and gone.
All problems solves, all worries at an end.
No heaven, not hell, no judgement day.
I will not be afraid, just angry not to know

Sue Mayer
How the world will get on without me!

2003